Rainy · Days · and · Mondays

Tmw is the marathon but my legs will not be there pounding the route. The first time in the decade I will not running save for 2002 I think. Oh well.

I kinda miss running and breaking out in sweat and feeling the endorphins kick in. I miss the time when I was still in decent shape without too much of a flab hanging out. Oh well, I should try to get back in shape now that the injury is healed and no relevant excuses can be accepted.

This is what I will do then.

Run and swim once more...

December is the month of weddings. In the midst of celebration, I got lost.

Not sure where I was heading. Looking at everyone getting married and somehow I feel I that I may not know where I am going.

Kinda tired with all the weddings coming up, but in the midst of it, I found my space to think about it while talking to Jill, while preparing the list of wedding songs for KL and while thinking of my brother in the past 29 years as his wedding approaches.

It's 3 am now, I should be sleeping but when something affects me I can't. Despite it being a long day tmw.

Firstly, I must say I am really thankful to have Jill with me. Period. No buts about it.

I am feeling much better now, and I am going to be joyful for love found, joyful for the reasons of love, thankful for being loved and hopeful for love's promises.

Never imagined we are here right now. I'm glad to have you with me. Thanks for bringing the smiles into my life and looking out for me and remembering things about me that I don't even remember.

It was a good year, just like how Russell Crowe found out and how I found out that you remember even that small detail.

I am impressed. Very in fact.

Thanks.......

In between countries, the weather changed. Yet its been really one of the better weekends catching up with friends and seeing new things.

Loved the duck in london, the walk down westminster, love the cold weather in Uppsala the company of friends, love the guitarist playing music like earl klugh near Tate modern, love the dance performance at Laban. But yet in all these things, I love home best.

Can't wait to be back. And its ba chor mee for me and perhaps a nice long breakfast.

Ok, got to focus on work in the cold dark days of Sweden.

First day in London. The weather was dreadful and the sky a gloomy overcast. The long wait at the immigration counter at Heathrow did not help either. 2 hours in a queue, that was painful especially when you got a flu. Also , my hotel room key din work and I had to wait for 1/2 hour for a new key.

Putting all that aside, I am thankful to reach in one piece and even more thankful that the evening sun shone through and that gave me a wonderful opportunity to take a walk through Primrose Hill which was truly a delight. Lunch was good too, with the usual favourites at a chinese restaurant.

Alright, the next few days ahead would be a serious time to focus and I got to make sure this presentation goes well.

Need to get well soon.

I guess this is the time to set things right.

I hope we can, for we can't wait another day longer. To say no to the things that bind us, to be a difference. To really know at this juncture.

Then again time never can change things but with time things can change.

Tonight the dance goes on stage. The efforts in the past months distilled into a brief 7 minutes.

A single thought layered into a complete piece. Its a quiet contentment and gratefulness that its the way it is. Couldn't have came so far without the help of everyone. I honestly don't think I did much cause its everyone who put in their heart into it.

So the dance is dedicated to everyone who thought of me, supported me, believed in me and trusted me over the past few months.

When you believe it does happen.

A respite, a convergence of thought, a reconciliation.

Yup, it felt good moving on and being able to tell the difference between the conflicting emotions within.

I don't really know how I will feel tmw later but I think I am overwhelmed by just the thought of it.

Wake up, this is a time we all ought to hear about what's going on in the world. Contrasts and ironies each and everyone.

While we surf the net, sip the coffee, people drink in the flood water and move by quakes.

How can we go on our daily lives by inaction and inconsequence? If I could, I drop all that I have to go now, but I'm stuck in the complexities of the working world. How I wish I could answer the call to move forward to say here I am.

Each time these kind of things happen, all I can do is stop and pray that Father you be merciful and watch over all that are suffering in this disaster. Even if tears stream what use are these tears when one can't do anything about it.

Tears that create no action are tears not meant to be shed. How can I help? When I can't be sent?

Now we got to respond, but how do I?

I can only be on my knees and pray that we would respond in such a dire season of need and perhaps to even stop and consider the consequences of everything.

This is really the longest flight I've ever taken. Feeling exhausted from it even though I am only halfthrough the journey.

Philadelphia to New York to Paris to Berlin to Amsterdam to Singapore, all in the name of saving money. Right now I am sitting in a starbucks in Berlin just killing time till my flight in 6 hours. I seriously doubt I will last that long.

Still, the break gives me some time to pen my thoughts down. Been wanting to do so but I never got round to do it.

Its been a really fruitful trip, much to learn, see and do. Glad for time to be by myself, recharge and be focused again.

The weeks ahead would be tough, with the implementation schedule, competition and consultancy work. Wait a minute I am supposed to be contemplating not planning ahead.

The walk down Benjamin Franklin Highway was good, a slow walk in the turn of autumn. The air started turning a little more chilly but the leaves were falling, just the way I liked it to be. Glad for time to sit in the park at fairmount waterworks just to hear to water rush by and be lost it the quietness while the big city goes on by.

This is quite a historic trip for me in the sense, it brought to two cities with such historical significance. Walking by the berlin wall and around American's most historic mile sends me back in time thinking bout the events of the past. Wait a second, brainblock, struggle to write this up. Feeling the sickness coming up.

Ok, let me try to finish this, I often like to sit in places imaging how things are like in the past, just thinking of the speeches made, the people, the sounds of cheering, the matches of freedom and everything in history just moving on.

It remains me of the Gun's and roses song, at least for the first line,

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

the word love restrained sticks out in my mind. Don't ask me what is the connection, I can't fully explain but inaction does show another side of love or love without the overburst of emotion.

My mind is spinning.

Can't wait to be home. Don't really want to travel too much too soon but then again, I'm heading to London next month. oh well.....

I had a renewed interest in my childhood toys in the past week. Looking at the pictures of them, I had this sudden urge to get one once again. Considering I threw away so many of them when I was younger. The toy in question and of choice would be M.A.S.K., any child of the 80's would know.

So one afternoon, ebay surfing became the event of the day and I began hunting for toys again. I can still remember most of the names and how and where they were bought. I still remember the first 2 were Matt Tracker's Car, ThunderHawk and V.E.N.O.M's Jackhammer and I bought them at a toy shop (think it was called strawberry shortcake or something) at goldhill square (united square now), and the next one was Vampire at the metro store opposite Plaza Singapura (now parkmall). I think I can remember the rest too, couple from the Yaohan in Plaza Singapura and metro at far-east plaza.

My favourites would be Rhino, that cool outrigger truck that transforms into a mobile defense station with a misslle that shoots, fireforce, a pontiac Fiero, and razorback which was a indy race car. Love the toys not only because they transform but also because they are made really well with attention to detail and material built was solid.

I suddenly have this ambition to start my collection once more. Let's see how that goes, would probably cost a bomb but oh well.. I think I eat cannot big.....

In one day, in a span of a couple of hours and a distance no further than Usain's Bolts olympic victory. We met each other's ex's. One should be miles away (and stay that way), the other shouldn't be found on the dance floor (dangerous for him).

What are the odds of such an event happening? Not in the lifetime of Haley's comet I guess. Oh well. Neither of us wish to speak to the other half but indeed, we will remember Lynette's birthday for a long time to come and for all the wrong reasons too.

[Verse 1]

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Honestly disappointed today at practice. I mean, when I look at the juniors, I am really disappointed. Especially one person. and some of the rest too.

When a rehearsal and when dancing becomes a matter of hand extensions, angle of head tilt and all that. Then we at synergy have failed. We have lost what it is that makes us us. We dance with our heart with our brains and not as what robots would be like.

This dance holds much meaning, its like the very first dance that synergy did that brought us to the public's attention. That we as dancers with no background of dance, with no stage experience are able to express ourselves in a way that makes us who we are. Right now it could be the dance that we finally lose ourselves away to the vestiges of failure. No its not the fault of the juniors for they only begin to learn this dance for the very first time and I'm glad they are learning. Its really the people who think they know best just because they are selected to perform that makes us good.

But you never knew I wanted to walk out of this dance because of this.

Maybe I can't dance in terms of technique as well as I would have 3 years back but the vivid images of the first performance on stage for this dance still lingers. It doesn't help with the injured leg but people wouldn't have noticed anyway. And I can dare say, with all the confidence in the world that its not about your technique or movement. Its about your emotion, for its your emotions your intepretation of the dance, your deepest heartfelt moments that drive the movement to its effect. By then, you don't even think of stretching out your hands, being on time for the energy that drives you to dance puts you right into the rhythm of it.

You can't teach these things, you can only find it out yourself. If you don't find it out, you honestly will never be a better dancer. What separates you from good and great is a matter of exposing yourself for the audience to see what's inside without fear, guilt or rejection. Let them know how much it means that you are right there on stage.

Oh well, just sad, going to lose quite a number of frens after this performance cause I don't even bother talking anymore to some of them during rehearsals. It's like I find there is nothing to talk about. It never was this way for many batches before. As peter puts it across, it wonderful when you have 6 batches coming together to do a performance for JL's wedding. But after the 30th anniversary, the ties that bind and link the whole synergy are cut right there at one particular batch, maybe 2. But that's fine, there will be people this way and at the end of it all, the truth will be revealed. Its really inconsequential to me what they are anymore cause frankly we've lost the war even before the battle.

After all that ranting, perhaps the simpler reason is that perhaps age as caught up with me...and probably the first time too that I'll will not celebrate my birthday with Synergy.....

Yes its almost done! I will submit it tmw provided the amount is being paid.... there goes nearly 5000 dollars.

Now we have 1 month to finish up the entire QMS... but at least there is berlin to look forward to....

In the last few days, the scatterbrain in me struck and I found myself misplacing my house keys and my money.

I wonder, between the two, which would be more important to find. Or should I say more important not to lose. So I reflected once more and decided again the same answer to the questions I like to ask. That would be home.

[ The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl ]

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Matthew 13:44

How can I stop or stem the tide of cyclic repetitions...

How can I stop or stem the tide of cyclic repetitions....

that keep going on and on...like how each year goes on and starts itself again...

How do we find joy everyday in the things we do...

maybe I am just working too hard and not doing the stuff that needs to be done...

Like giving thanks for the day and appreciating the people that matter in my life..

I need to play the piano and get some songs playing....

I went for my first run in eons today. The ankle felt ok today so I thought I should attempt the run. Not too far maybe around 3km max along the IBP circuit. Guess what, the flyer for the Singapore marathon was shipped nicely to my house. (more like a letter in the mailbox). Should I do it? definitely not the 42km cause i don't the ankle would be ready for the long distance maybe the 10km. A quick 10km under an hour. That would be a good target. mmmmm. It would be a wonderful home coming for my leg and in a way something to prove. BUT, I just saw the date. It says 6th december, KL's wedding so I guess the answer is no.

Oh well.

There is a dance choreo competition coming up. I want to do it. The last dance that was choreographed would be a good to rework and polish up, and well bring choreo to another level. I want to try since I can't really dance anymore. Its a motivation I like to fulfill.

But crap, I hope I would be around to do this though since I won't be around much in Sep.

Fly, the tickets been booked. So, I am headed to the conferences in Berlin and Philly, looking forward to it. Wished I could pack someone along.

I think I should sleep, really tired....

When I checked my facebook this morning, there were at least 16 entries talking about the passing of Michael Jackson. The wonders of technology. Oh well, it had to end someday. So I am playing "off the wall" on the itunes now just to remember how the king of pop sounds like. That's really one of the better ones....